Resisting Temptation

"Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil"

Every week, Christians pray not to be tempted, but sometimes life intervenes.

I have a friend (who for obvious reasons has to stay anonymous) who's in a good relationship, but feels strongly attracted to someone else, too.

So I was trying to offer some helpful advice for how to deal with this, because I think it's a common occurence in even the best of relationships. But a cursory search of the internet yields very little practical help. It's mostly along the lines of: "Control yourself" and "Just say no." (Which we all know was very successful in the war on drugs) Or else a list of consequences for cheaters.

But if anybody has anything to say about resisting temptation, it should be the Christian tradition, right?

When Jesus is tempted in the desert, his temptations are to power. He's tempted to turn stones into bread so he can eat, to jump off a tall tower to test God's protection, and to bow down to Satan in order to have control over the whole world. In each case, his strong faith in God, and God's primary place in his life allow him to turn Satan down. Jesus will not abuse his divine power, he will not put God to the test, and he will not bow down to anyone but God.

I think for us, too, whatever our temptations are to do wrong, there are three steps to resistance:

First, don't justify or minimize the wrong. Little thoughts like "it's not so bad," or "my case is special," should be big warning signs. Even worse--"I won't get caught." Ask yourself--would you want this action made public?

Second, keep focused on the larger picture. Think of everyone involved who would be hurt if you did give in to temptation. Think of what you value most and your sense of self-respect. There are reasons against any action, of course, but stay focused on the good you're aspiring to and protecting by resisting temptation. If you need to, write it down.

Finally, in the case of attraction to someone else, it's important to be reasonable about your feelings. It's common to have feelings for someone else. Don't beat yourself up about that. What's important is to control how you respond to those feelings--whether you tell the other person, or take other steps to start something.

But keep in mind, too, that thoughts build themselves up, too, into a kind of action. If you're obsessing over someone, and can't get them out of your mind, it's probably having an effect on how you treat that person, and how you treat your SO. In that case, I recommend not trying to punish or repress the thoughts, but to redirect them. When you notice you're obsessing, take note, take a couple deep breaths, and remind yourself why you want to resist this temptation. Then think about something else. This may take some stamina, but in the end will make things easier.

Jesus says that if your eye causes you to sin, you should gouge it out, or if your hand causes you to sin, you should cut it off. I think there's a little hyperbole there, but in some ways it's good advice--the more you can do to draw back from temptations, the better able you will be able to resist them.