God Creates World

So I was reading an article about "intelligent design" which is a sort of argument or theory intended to counteract Darwinism--a kind of new creationism. I have to say that evolution always made a lot of sense to me, but I was the kid who would fall asleep reading copies of Nature magazine, after all.

Here's what I think: Science has mostly got it right, as far as how the world has come together--the universe explodes into space, planets coalesce, little microbes develop out of primordial soup and, after millions of years evolve into teachers, lawyers, Christians, and evolutionary scientists. If the Bible were written today, some version of this story would go in the front where Genesis is now, because science has taken over some of the explanatory roles that religion used to play.

But I think there are some sketchy parts in the story that still need some help from God:
1. The Big Bang. No one know what the heck happened there.
2. The Earth forms in such a way as to support life. Life as we know it wouldn't be possible on a planet that was hotter or colder or didn't spin or didn't have so much oxygen. Maybe it could have developed in some other format, but maybe not, given the rules of physics, etc.
3. Life actually begins. I know Frankenstein's monster came to life when lightning struck, but is that how it really works? I find it easier to imagine God somehow stirring the primordial soup, gently, and with joy for what would be created out of it.

A lot of this relies on my own view of how God works. If you've got an idea of God as an interventionist--shaping people out of mud with bare hands, moving stars and sun, hammering out the sky from a big sheet of metal--then evolution is kind of unnecessary. But if God is a little more of an influencer--coming into situations, helping influence small changes, but ultimately giving people power over their own destinies--then evolution makes perfect sense. A gene here, a narrow miss there, producing a growing complexity of live and love.

(Here's the beginning of somebody else's take on it, if you're interested.)

Evolution, compared to creationism, really gives us a better basis for a doctrine of free will. God is with us and helping us in sometimes indiscernable ways, but the process is gradual and involves a lot of freedom and a lot of mistakes.

How Domestic Violence Starts

For a year after college I worked in a legal clinic helping women whose husbands were abusing them. It was quite a year. I've overheard people talking about domestic violence and saying that they would never let a partner hit them.

But that's not how it starts. Domestic violence is not really about violence. It's a campaign by a few sick men (and on rare occasions women) who want total control over another human being. So it starts with psychological abuse first--name-calling, insults, badmouthing family members and friends--until the victim is convinced that they aren't a worthwhile human being and don't deserve to be safe from violence. That's when the violence starts.

Some bad signs:
--Extreme jealousy
--Name-calling and put-downs
--Rushing into commitment
--Doesn't care what you have to say
--Isolates you from people you care about
--Doesn't want you to have a life outside the relationship

The love an abuser has for a victim is a conditional kind of love: "I'll love you, if I can control you." It is not concerned with the other person's well-being. I hesitate to call it love, although it can make for some very sweet moments, especially if that will convince the person being abused to continue the relationship in spite of the abuse. In this way, the loving parts of the relationship become just another way to control the other person.

What to do if you think you might be in an abusive relationship?

Unfortunately, the person abusing you is forcing you to make a decision between your love for them and your own well-being. This is not always an easy choice to make, especially after a campaign of emotional abuse. So take the time you need, both for your own safety and emotional readiness.

In the meantime, plan ahead--put together a packet of important documents--birth certificate, credit cards (make sure at least one is in your name only), some cash--and give it to someone you trust in case you ever need it. Think about where you'll go if you are in danger. How will you decide when to call the police? Remember--assault is illegal whether you know the person or not.

Finally, as much as possible, remind yourself that you are a child of God and deserve to be safe and loved by someone who cares about your well-being.

Domestic Violence: Theological issues

When I was working in the domestic violence clinic, we worked with a woman who was very close to leaving her abusive husband. But when he got wind of it, he went and got their priest, who talked her out of it, telling her she had to abide by the vows she'd made on her wedding day.

Here is a quote from Jesus that I think applies very well to this situation. The Pharisees, instead of taking care of their parents in their old age, give all their money away to charity to avoid their responsibility. Jesus point out that they are breaking God's law in favor of their own tradition. In the same way, making a woman put up with abuse for the sake of vows is abusing the law of God--to honor and cherish human life--for a human tradition. Not to say that marriages aren't sacred, but it is an extreme perversion of the marriage vows to use them as a spiritual prison to hold a child of God captive for continued abuse.

I've also heard stories about clergy telling abused women to endure their suffering as a way of participating in Christ's suffering. This is bullshit. God suffers with us, but that doesn't mean God wants us to suffer. I think it might be a better exercise to remind an abuser that every time they beat their spouse, they are also beating Jesus.

Christian teaching for many hundreds of years has emphasized self-sacrificing love. But the case of domestic violence reveals the flaws in this emphasis, when the sacrifice is demanded only from the less powerful. A healthy person, assured of God's love and their worth as a sacred person, will be able to freely choose to place others' needs before their own. But this should spring voluntarily from abundance, not be forced by violence from meager stores.

Hey we're in the New York Times!

Check out the third paragraph of this column:

The Plot Against Sex in America

Prayer 101

Prayer is different from meditation because your goal is not to quiet the mind, but to communicate with God.

Standard Methods
A traditional way of praying that many of us are familiar with is to sit quietly, fold our hands, and bow our heads while either speaking out loud to God, or focusing the thoughts in our minds. What should you say? Jesus taught his disciples a simple prayer. For longer prayer times, here is a structure I learned from my campus minister:

Adoration (praising God for being so wonderful)
Confession (admitting to our shortcomings, mistakes, and limitations)
Thanksgiving
Supplication (asking for help)

Prayer as Communicating
Having said all that, though, I have to say that prayer is much larger than sitting down and speaking quietly, because it is the process of communicating with God. Any way you can imagine for people to communicate can also be a way to pray--dance, art, music, singing, shouting, writing, you name it. I like to go on walks when I am taking time to pray, but sometimes the best prayers are the spontaneous ones that you almost didn't mean to pray and that wake you up to something new.

While communicating with God does mean expressing yourself to God, it also means listening for God to speak to you. Sometimes this means listening carefully to your own words, and sometimes it means sitting in silence and waiting patiently for God's wisdom. I have friends who have felt God's presence very strongly in nature. Or the words of others may help you hear God speaking to you. The point is, God does speak to us and we will be blessed if we are listening carefully when it happens.

Prayer as a Way of Life
If you are hoping for prayer to change your life, it's important to make regular times to pray. But the goal of these prayers is not to take care of a particular chore and then move on to the next thing. The goal is to feed and encourage a relationship with God that will infuse your whole life with meaning, purpose, and love. The day-to-day discipline will help you stay alert to those sudden moments of beauty in the warmth of God's presence.

May you be blessed richly on your journey.

Meditation 101

So I've been meditating (or trying to) more or less regularly for the past 4 or 5 years. I find that it is very helpful to me in keeping my stress levels down and remembering to breathe. I think of meditating as being similar to but different from prayer: your goal is to quiet the mind in meditation, while prayer is time spent listening or speaking to God. So if you've been thinking about starting a meditation practice, here are the basics:

1. Find a good time and place. It should be somewhere quiet where you don't have to worry about interruptions. Heather has been very patient with me lo these many years, and lets me be alone when I'm meditating, for which I am thankful.

2. Have some kind of a ritual for getting started. This might be lighting a candle, chiming a bell, or putting on soft music.

3. Begin by paying attention to your breathing. Notice when you take a breath in or out, and try to take deeper breaths using your stomach instead of your shoulders. I'll usually count to four breaths and then start over.

4. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath as soon as you notice. This is totally normal, so don't get upset with yourself. It might help to have a pen and paper nearby to quickly write down things you don't want to forget. Once they're written down you can go back to meditating.

5. Start small and manageable so you can build a habit. Try just a few minutes of quiet, and slowly build from there. The idea is not to exhaust yourself, but to relax. Give yourself at least three weeks before you decide whether or not this is something you want to continue on an ongoing basis.

I hope that this is a helpful guide. Next time I'll cover Prayer 101. Happy meditating!

A New Take on Santa

Hi folks! Saw this on Slate (here's the link, FYI) and thought it was really interesting. Some questions it raised for me are: 1. Is he right about our everyday lives? 2. Is it important that we have a God who understands suffering? 3. Is Jesus the way he describes him? 4. Why does more orthodox Christianity seem so joyless sometimes?

"Subject: Santa uber Jesus
From: ElephantGun
Date: Dec 8 2004 3:51AM

I like Santa Claus a whole lot better than Jesus. I know that the figure of Santa is over-commercialized in the United States, but I also believe that the deification of Santa is one of the really good things about American society. At a time when our workaholism gives us all a lean, hungry, and cynical look, it's a wonderful relief to contemplate Santa's boundless generosity, bottomless well of happiness, and most pleasing plumpness. Santa's become even better over the last few decades as naughty/nice lists and the spectre of coal have faded into cultural memory. Likewise, Santa is one of the few white European figures who translates easily into other cultures. In our pale-faced household, we used to have a black "Rocking Santa" figure who sang a song in Peggy Lee's voice. Multi-racial, transgendered--Santa makes for an extremely flexible symbol of a giving spirit that demands nothing in return. Now we have a "Saxophone Santa" and the Christmas season doesn't really get under way until he belts out a couple versions of "Jingle Bells." .

To the contrary, I really don't understand the appeal of Jesus story. Although I had a half-hearted Christian raising, the Jesus story seems increasingly less attractive and plausible as the years go by. Where Santa is a carnivalesque figure of fun, merriment, consumption, and over-consumption, Jesus strikes me as an essentially Lenten God of suffering, self-denial, and other-worldliness. Given the unhappy, over-extended character of so much of our lives in the United States, I can understand why we identify so much with Jesus. I mean how many of us chronically feel like we're bearing our own cross. However, just like I often hope for a better society, I often hope for a better god--a god who represents a joy that does not first have to walk through the valley of the shadow of death."

What to say at a funeral

I was at a dear relative's funeral last week, and it reminded me that these are not always easy events to negotiate. It's easy to say things that are hurtful without even meaning to. So in the interest of making life easier for anyone who's lost anyone, today you get some practical advice.

Here are phrases to avoid:
(By the way, I didn't hear any of these last week)

--She's in a better place now

--God wanted him back/it was God's will

--At least the suffering is over

--She wouldn't have wanted you to cry

Most of these are a well-meant attempt to help somebody feel better. But the point of a funeral, actually, is not to feel better but to take some time to feel bad about the loss of a whole person. Funerals aren't for the dead person--it's for the people who are left behind. We have to take some time to remember and let go. These things may or may not be true, but a funeral's not necessarily the time for them.

Here are some better responses:
--Have a tissue ready and listen.

--Let people cry as much as they need to.

--If you have good stories, tell them.

--Say what the person meant to you.

When in doubt, avoid cliches.

This is a hard time for everybody, but it can be a good time for remembering and putting meaning to somebody's life. Be sure to give lots of leeway--no two people grieve the same way.

Many blessings to you in offering comfort in the midst of loss.

(And if I'm totally off, there's a comments link here just for you.)

How My Church Welcomed Me

So there's all this fuss about the United Church of Christ's TV ad--NBC and CBS don't want to air it because it's "controversial." Most of the controversy seems to be in that it points out: 1. The United Church of Christ as a whole consciously tries to welcome people of many cultures, races, and sexual orientations, and 2. Some churches don't, especially when it comes to that last one there.

The ad shows bouncers at a church door, letting some people in, but keeping other people out. And then it breaks away saying "Jesus didn't turn people away--neither do we." (See below for a link)

I can see why people are offended, but on the other hand, I am one of those people who hit a bouncer trying to make my way into my old church. I grew up in a different denomination, and loved it. I loved the history, the traditions, the theology, the music, and it raised me as a christian to love, know and serve God. I owe that church a debt of gratitude. But when I realized I was bisexual and in love with a woman, I hit a velvet rope. Although I felt (and still feel) a strong call into ordained ministry, the church I grew up in refuses to ordain openly gay and lesbian people. I could live in the closet, not be ordained, or leave.

When I left, the denomination I came to was the United Church of Christ. Not only did the people there say that they were willing to ordain gays, I found several ordained gay role models. And I never saw an eyelash bat during the entire course of my ordination process. The church welcomed and supported me.

Granted, my job search process hasn't been entirely rosy. Because churches in the UCC have a lot of autonomy, some are more conservative on gay issues than others. Confronted with the prospect of a real live lesbian as a minister, one church I interviewed with shied away. But not before some people had grappled with their own prejudices and changed their minds because of my witness.

So I think that's the thing that is so gracious about the UCC. The people in each church must make their own decisions, and not let someone far away (who may have never knowingly met a gay person, for example) make decisions that affect everyone's life. That has been where I have felt the challenge and the welcome of this church--in person, and face to face.

What a blessing.

NBC-CBS What a mess!

Apparently, NBC and CBS are refusing to air the UCC's (my church) paid commercial because it touches on the question of whether or not gays should be accepted in church.

Here's an article on it from CNN.

Some commentary in The Nation

You can see the ad for yourself at the Still Speaking website,

And then here's the press release from the UCC.

Happy reading!